1 00:00:45,660 --> 00:00:47,780 Rattling 2 00:00:55,620 --> 00:00:57,260 Whirring 3 00:01:08,620 --> 00:01:10,140 Meowing 4 00:01:24,300 --> 00:01:26,260 Spray hisses 5 00:01:34,780 --> 00:01:36,300 The black cat? 6 00:01:38,580 --> 00:01:40,820 Otherwise known as gangsta granny? 7 00:01:42,700 --> 00:01:44,900 But how... 8 00:01:44,900 --> 00:01:47,780 ..When she's...Dead? 9 00:01:47,780 --> 00:01:49,980 Bell tolls 10 00:01:52,300 --> 00:01:54,500 I miss you so much, gran. 11 00:01:55,500 --> 00:01:58,740 I brought you your favourite cabbages. 12 00:02:03,300 --> 00:02:05,060 She certainly loved those. 13 00:02:05,060 --> 00:02:06,700 Oh, hello, esha. 14 00:02:08,220 --> 00:02:11,980 I remember your gran's famous cabbage soup only too well. 15 00:02:11,980 --> 00:02:14,140 Made her blow off something chronic. 16 00:02:15,340 --> 00:02:17,780 She used to quack like a duck! 17 00:02:23,100 --> 00:02:24,460 I miss her so much. 18 00:02:24,460 --> 00:02:27,700 Oh, don't. You'll set me off as well. 19 00:02:30,100 --> 00:02:31,660 Meowing 20 00:02:33,180 --> 00:02:34,380 hello! 21 00:02:36,060 --> 00:02:37,540 What's your name? 22 00:02:42,020 --> 00:02:45,140 I come here once a week to see my husband. 23 00:02:45,140 --> 00:02:46,940 He passed away ten years ago. 24 00:02:48,100 --> 00:02:49,580 It gets lonely. 25 00:02:50,620 --> 00:02:52,420 I wish I'd been more like your gran. 26 00:02:52,420 --> 00:02:54,780 She always had a twinkle in her eye, 27 00:02:54,780 --> 00:02:57,180 as if she was up to some mischief. 28 00:02:59,900 --> 00:03:01,980 Why don't I come over tomorrow? 29 00:03:01,980 --> 00:03:03,580 Do you like Murray mints? 30 00:03:03,580 --> 00:03:05,220 Yes, of course! Oh! 31 00:03:05,220 --> 00:03:07,460 Would you take a look at my cistern, too? 32 00:03:07,460 --> 00:03:09,740 - Of course. It would be a pleasure. - Ok! 33 00:03:09,740 --> 00:03:13,620 Now, from your house, you'll need to get the number 73 bus. 34 00:03:13,620 --> 00:03:17,340 Oh, no, granny left me wheels in her will. 35 00:03:17,340 --> 00:03:20,860 - Mm! - And I made a few modifications. 36 00:03:20,860 --> 00:03:23,740 37 00:03:23,740 --> 00:03:27,300 stick with your madame 38 00:03:27,300 --> 00:03:29,340 39 00:03:29,340 --> 00:03:31,540 let's get down with the trumpets 40 00:03:31,540 --> 00:03:33,580 let's get down with the trumpets 41 00:03:33,580 --> 00:03:35,900 let's get down with the trumpets 42 00:03:35,900 --> 00:03:37,780 let's get down with the trumpets 43 00:03:37,780 --> 00:03:40,220 down with the... 44 00:03:40,220 --> 00:03:42,100 quiet whirring 45 00:03:45,220 --> 00:03:47,700 taking after your grandmother, eh? 46 00:03:51,660 --> 00:03:54,580 Enjoy your joyride, Benjamin Herbert... 47 00:03:55,900 --> 00:03:57,740 ..While you can. 48 00:03:58,940 --> 00:04:01,020 49 00:04:01,020 --> 00:04:03,380 down with the. 50 00:04:04,780 --> 00:04:06,260 alarm chirps 51 00:04:07,900 --> 00:04:10,820 bell jangles 52 00:04:07,900 --> 00:04:10,820 aha! Ben! 53 00:04:10,820 --> 00:04:13,580 My favourite customer. 54 00:04:13,580 --> 00:04:15,860 A bag of your finest Murray mints, please, raj. 55 00:04:15,860 --> 00:04:17,820 Excellent choice, sir. 56 00:04:17,820 --> 00:04:20,060 It has been a good harvest this year. 57 00:04:20,060 --> 00:04:23,220 I saved you the latest plumbers weekly. 58 00:04:23,220 --> 00:04:25,940 Wow! Free stopcock! Cool! 59 00:04:25,940 --> 00:04:30,020 And a pull-out poster of Wembley stadium's new sprinkler system?! 60 00:04:30,020 --> 00:04:31,380 Oh, mega! 61 00:04:33,900 --> 00:04:37,020 - What's that? - The mask of tutankhamun has been stolen. 62 00:04:38,060 --> 00:04:41,180 Tut, and again, tut. King tut. 63 00:04:41,180 --> 00:04:43,220 Wow! Can I see? 64 00:04:43,220 --> 00:04:45,300 Sadly, there is no browsing. 65 00:04:45,300 --> 00:04:49,420 The thief snatched it in the dead of night, leaving just one clue. 66 00:04:49,420 --> 00:04:54,460 - What? - "Miaow", spelled out in scrabble letters. 67 00:04:55,700 --> 00:04:59,460 You don't think this could have been the work of the black cat? 68 00:04:59,460 --> 00:05:01,940 - No, it can't have been. - Can't it, now? 69 00:05:03,180 --> 00:05:06,220 - Oh, no. - Aha! Mr Parker! 70 00:05:06,220 --> 00:05:09,780 In my bottom-five favourite customers. 71 00:05:09,780 --> 00:05:13,980 This theft has all the hallmarks of your old partner in crime, 72 00:05:13,980 --> 00:05:17,740 the silver-haired menace, known as your grandmother. 73 00:05:17,740 --> 00:05:19,100 But granny's gone. 74 00:05:19,100 --> 00:05:22,140 And where were you last night, Benjamin Herbert? 75 00:05:22,140 --> 00:05:24,260 - In bed. - Doing what, exactly? 76 00:05:24,260 --> 00:05:25,580 Sleeping. 77 00:05:25,580 --> 00:05:27,260 Any witnesses? 78 00:05:27,260 --> 00:05:30,260 Yes, actually, I always sleep in front of an audience. 79 00:05:30,260 --> 00:05:32,980 Always sleep in front... 80 00:05:34,220 --> 00:05:35,820 Sniggering 81 00:05:40,140 --> 00:05:43,260 quite the comedian, aren't we, Benjamin Herbert? 82 00:05:43,260 --> 00:05:44,700 Well, I... 83 00:05:45,820 --> 00:05:47,220 I'm watching you. 84 00:05:50,340 --> 00:05:52,260 Very closely. 85 00:05:55,540 --> 00:05:57,140 Clattering 86 00:05:59,100 --> 00:06:02,580 move this before somebody has an accident. 87 00:06:02,580 --> 00:06:04,580 I could have had an eye out. 88 00:06:10,020 --> 00:06:11,260 Door closes 89 00:06:12,700 --> 00:06:14,220 what the...? 90 00:06:31,540 --> 00:06:34,180 Tango music plays 91 00:06:44,580 --> 00:06:46,820 Was that postbox always there? 92 00:06:46,820 --> 00:06:48,540 What postbox? 93 00:06:49,980 --> 00:06:51,500 Oh, hello, dear! 94 00:06:51,500 --> 00:06:53,380 Sorry, I didn't see you come in. 95 00:06:53,380 --> 00:06:55,020 I was in another world! 96 00:06:55,020 --> 00:06:56,740 The magical world of ballroom. 97 00:06:56,740 --> 00:07:00,380 Oh, me and your mother have some rather exciting news. 98 00:07:00,380 --> 00:07:01,860 - We've been... - ..Been accepted 99 00:07:01,860 --> 00:07:04,300 for the international ballroom championships! 100 00:07:05,380 --> 00:07:06,940 You two?! 101 00:07:06,940 --> 00:07:10,340 - Yeah, don't sound so surprised. - You're representing England? 102 00:07:10,340 --> 00:07:11,500 The outer hebrides. 103 00:07:11,500 --> 00:07:14,340 Your mother did lie a tiny bit on the application form. 104 00:07:14,340 --> 00:07:17,980 And we're going to be dancing in front of someone super-special. 105 00:07:17,980 --> 00:07:19,740 Her majesty the queen. 106 00:07:19,740 --> 00:07:21,780 Big ballroom fan, apparently! 107 00:07:21,780 --> 00:07:24,060 Oh, and even more exciting. 108 00:07:24,060 --> 00:07:26,540 Guess who is hosting? 109 00:07:26,540 --> 00:07:27,900 Dunno. 110 00:07:29,220 --> 00:07:30,540 Ben, 111 00:07:30,540 --> 00:07:32,620 your mother would like you to guess. 112 00:07:32,620 --> 00:07:34,140 Ant and dec? 113 00:07:35,380 --> 00:07:37,020 Flavio! 114 00:07:38,660 --> 00:07:40,900 Ooh, you wonderful man. 115 00:07:43,500 --> 00:07:46,500 If you slobber over him, he'll get soggy. 116 00:07:49,860 --> 00:07:51,660 I did warn you. 117 00:07:51,660 --> 00:07:54,340 I'm going to go read my plumbers weekly. 118 00:07:54,340 --> 00:07:55,980 No, not yet. 119 00:07:55,980 --> 00:07:58,020 We haven't told you the best part. 120 00:07:58,020 --> 00:07:59,460 Drum roll. 121 00:07:59,460 --> 00:08:00,900 Brr-brrr-brrr! 122 00:08:00,900 --> 00:08:02,540 Ding! 123 00:08:02,540 --> 00:08:05,660 It's this Saturday night, and we have bought you 124 00:08:05,660 --> 00:08:07,500 a front-row ticket. 125 00:08:07,500 --> 00:08:09,260 Early Christmas present! 126 00:08:10,460 --> 00:08:13,820 I told the vicar I'd fix the church boiler that day. 127 00:08:13,820 --> 00:08:15,700 - Oh. - Oh. 128 00:08:15,700 --> 00:08:18,580 Teenage boys should not be interested in boilers. 129 00:08:18,580 --> 00:08:21,780 They should be interested in ballroom dances. 130 00:08:21,780 --> 00:08:25,380 The quickstep, the foxtrot, the cha-cha-cha-cha. 131 00:08:25,380 --> 00:08:27,340 - One too many chas. - Oh, yeah. 132 00:08:27,340 --> 00:08:30,020 Plumbing only leads in one direction. 133 00:08:30,020 --> 00:08:32,140 And that's down the drain. 134 00:08:32,140 --> 00:08:33,860 - Oh! - See what I did there?! 135 00:08:35,100 --> 00:08:37,460 Very droll, my one true love. Funny, isn't she?! 136 00:08:37,460 --> 00:08:39,700 Come on. Music, maestro. 137 00:08:39,700 --> 00:08:43,100 We need to practise our winners' routine! 138 00:08:45,100 --> 00:08:46,500 And... 139 00:08:51,620 --> 00:08:53,460 Present... 140 00:08:54,980 --> 00:08:56,100 Yes! 141 00:08:59,660 --> 00:09:01,660 Things are not good, gran. 142 00:09:03,100 --> 00:09:06,380 It's getting so bad now that I'm talking to a picture. 143 00:09:09,340 --> 00:09:12,940 You see, there's a new black cat, and I'm getting the blame. 144 00:09:14,140 --> 00:09:16,620 I really need your help. 145 00:09:18,580 --> 00:09:21,860 You would know what to do about that rotten, old, nosey Parker. 146 00:09:24,780 --> 00:09:28,500 And there she is. Evil incarnate. 147 00:09:31,500 --> 00:09:36,060 And the reason for this emergency meeting 148 00:09:36,060 --> 00:09:39,100 of the neighbourhood watch, lower toddle branch - 149 00:09:39,100 --> 00:09:43,660 the international Jewel thief known as... 150 00:09:43,660 --> 00:09:46,300 - Biscuits? - What do you mean, biscuits? 151 00:09:46,300 --> 00:09:47,820 Are there any? 152 00:09:47,820 --> 00:09:49,500 Don't interrupt! 153 00:09:51,860 --> 00:09:54,780 ..The international Jewel thief known as 154 00:09:54,780 --> 00:09:56,900 the black cat. 155 00:09:56,900 --> 00:09:59,100 Lock her up and throw away the key! 156 00:09:59,100 --> 00:10:01,180 She's passed, dear. 157 00:10:01,180 --> 00:10:02,820 Oh, when, dear? 158 00:10:02,820 --> 00:10:04,420 A while ago, dear. 159 00:10:04,420 --> 00:10:05,940 May she rest in peace. 160 00:10:05,940 --> 00:10:08,340 There are usually biscuits. 161 00:10:08,340 --> 00:10:10,780 I will break out the biscuits in good time. 162 00:10:10,780 --> 00:10:13,940 If she's passed, what are we talking about her for? 163 00:10:13,940 --> 00:10:18,820 Because this gangsta granny had a protege, the most dangerous 164 00:10:18,820 --> 00:10:21,860 criminal mastermind the world has ever known. 165 00:10:21,860 --> 00:10:24,740 This moon-faced boy 166 00:10:24,740 --> 00:10:28,260 is the new black cat. 167 00:10:28,260 --> 00:10:31,580 Gasping 168 00:10:28,260 --> 00:10:31,580 no! Ben is a good boy. 169 00:10:31,580 --> 00:10:34,780 - He fixed my washing machine for free. - While casing the joint 170 00:10:34,780 --> 00:10:36,260 to Rob you blind, no doubt. 171 00:10:36,260 --> 00:10:38,780 Oh! Did he steal my biscuits? 172 00:10:38,780 --> 00:10:40,220 No! 173 00:10:40,220 --> 00:10:43,380 Here are your blasted biscuits. 174 00:10:43,380 --> 00:10:45,980 And before you ask, I'm saving the chocolate ones! 175 00:10:45,980 --> 00:10:49,740 - Cruel. - Now, for the rest of you, cancel your cruises, 176 00:10:49,740 --> 00:10:53,420 put down your puzzlers, banish the bingo. 177 00:10:53,420 --> 00:10:57,260 We cannot rest until we have caught him in the act, 178 00:10:57,260 --> 00:11:03,820 for who knows where or when the black cat will strike again? 179 00:11:05,140 --> 00:11:06,660 - Mm! - Mm. - That's true. 180 00:11:32,660 --> 00:11:33,860 A tragedy. 181 00:11:33,860 --> 00:11:36,300 - What? - Well, they've stolen the world cup. 182 00:11:38,820 --> 00:11:40,740 What a fuss over nothing. 183 00:11:40,740 --> 00:11:43,940 The world cup - it's hardly the strictly glitterball. 184 00:11:46,500 --> 00:11:48,740 The only clue the thief left behind 185 00:11:48,740 --> 00:11:51,340 was the word "purr" in scrabble letters. 186 00:11:52,380 --> 00:11:54,980 - The black cat. - But it can't have been. 187 00:11:56,260 --> 00:11:57,900 How do you know? 188 00:11:57,900 --> 00:11:59,620 I don't. 189 00:12:01,020 --> 00:12:03,820 I, er, I said I'd go and visit esha today. 190 00:12:03,820 --> 00:12:05,260 Granny's pal? 191 00:12:05,260 --> 00:12:08,820 Uh, have you ever considered getting a friend your own age? 192 00:12:10,580 --> 00:12:11,860 No. 193 00:12:13,660 --> 00:12:16,140 He likes older women, like his dad. 194 00:12:22,940 --> 00:12:24,340 Ok. 195 00:12:27,540 --> 00:12:29,220 Brussels sprout cake. 196 00:12:30,940 --> 00:12:34,940 - There you go. - Just a sliver, a wafer-thin slice. 197 00:12:37,980 --> 00:12:40,580 You were telling me about the thefts. 198 00:12:40,580 --> 00:12:42,140 At both crime scenes, 199 00:12:42,140 --> 00:12:45,540 the thief left scrabble letters with words connected to cats. 200 00:12:47,340 --> 00:12:50,140 Oh, I almost forgot the parsnip custard. 201 00:12:53,100 --> 00:12:54,940 You're really spoiling me. 202 00:12:56,020 --> 00:12:59,060 I bought a bunch of books when the library closed down. 203 00:12:59,060 --> 00:13:02,300 There must be one somewhere on the mask of tutankhamun 204 00:13:02,300 --> 00:13:04,340 - and the world cup. - Hmm! 205 00:13:04,340 --> 00:13:08,260 They're arranged by topic, colour and spine damage. 206 00:13:08,260 --> 00:13:11,460 Try next to the red medium-damaged cookbooks. 207 00:13:13,660 --> 00:13:16,100 Oh. I found one! Football trophies. 208 00:13:16,100 --> 00:13:21,980 That's great! Oh, and here's one on ancient Egypt. 209 00:13:21,980 --> 00:13:24,140 Why don't you borrow them to look for clues? 210 00:13:24,140 --> 00:13:26,420 Metallic scraping 211 00:13:29,660 --> 00:13:34,020 now it's getting really weird. Did that postbox used to be there? 212 00:13:34,020 --> 00:13:36,980 Not unless my mind's playing tricks on me. 213 00:14:32,820 --> 00:14:36,380 Neighbourhood watch, assemble. 214 00:14:41,940 --> 00:14:44,020 Don't let him get away! 215 00:14:46,300 --> 00:14:48,780 Come on, Millicent, you can do it! 216 00:14:52,020 --> 00:14:54,620 Get a shift on, Virginia. 217 00:14:54,620 --> 00:14:57,380 For the love of goodness, give yourself up, child! 218 00:14:57,380 --> 00:15:01,900 Or we'll force-feed you stewed rhubarb until you confess. 219 00:15:01,900 --> 00:15:05,620 Oh, I could murder a rhubarb crumble! 220 00:15:05,620 --> 00:15:07,940 You can't run from the law forever! 221 00:15:07,940 --> 00:15:11,060 It wasn't me, mr Parker. I swear, I'm innocent. 222 00:15:11,060 --> 00:15:13,820 Oh, your grandmother taught you well, Benjamin. 223 00:15:13,820 --> 00:15:15,660 Or shall I call you the black cat? 224 00:15:15,660 --> 00:15:17,180 I'm not the black cat! 225 00:15:17,180 --> 00:15:19,540 You've even got her old getaway car! 226 00:15:22,740 --> 00:15:24,700 Keep up! Keep up! 227 00:15:29,740 --> 00:15:32,740 Tyres squeak, crossing beeps 228 00:15:29,740 --> 00:15:32,740 come on, come on. 229 00:15:49,900 --> 00:15:51,340 Hmm... 230 00:16:04,220 --> 00:16:06,100 Low-speed pursuit in progress. 231 00:16:07,380 --> 00:16:09,500 Siren blares 232 00:16:20,460 --> 00:16:24,820 Arrest that boy! Lock him up and throw away the prison! 233 00:16:24,820 --> 00:16:28,220 It's been a lovely outing! Will there be sandwiches? 234 00:16:28,220 --> 00:16:31,060 No! I told you, if you wanted to eat, you had to make 235 00:16:31,060 --> 00:16:32,820 - your own packed lunch. - Oh. 236 00:16:32,820 --> 00:16:35,100 What a hullabaloo! 237 00:16:35,100 --> 00:16:37,580 We can barely hear ourselves tango. 238 00:16:37,580 --> 00:16:41,340 - Just what is going on here, then? - This boy is an arch-criminal. 239 00:16:41,340 --> 00:16:45,540 - Ben, I can't believe it! - Don't! It's not true! 240 00:16:45,540 --> 00:16:50,020 He's stolen the mask of tutankhamun and the world cup. 241 00:16:50,020 --> 00:16:52,460 We caught him red-handed. 242 00:16:52,460 --> 00:16:55,660 Look, officer, books that link him to the crime. 243 00:16:56,740 --> 00:16:59,420 - Come on, come on. - I took them because I wanted to do 244 00:16:59,420 --> 00:17:02,260 some detective work, find out who really did it. 245 00:17:03,380 --> 00:17:05,380 How very convenient! 246 00:17:05,380 --> 00:17:09,300 This boy is britain's most-wanted. 247 00:17:11,020 --> 00:17:14,740 - The black cat. - One and the same! 248 00:17:14,740 --> 00:17:16,460 I'm not the black cat! 249 00:17:16,460 --> 00:17:20,700 Ben, just tell these nice people where you've hidden the mask 250 00:17:20,700 --> 00:17:23,820 of tutankhamun and that...Football thingummy. 251 00:17:23,820 --> 00:17:26,860 - World cup. - That. - I can't, because I don't have them. 252 00:17:26,860 --> 00:17:29,020 Right, that's it, you're grounded. 253 00:17:29,020 --> 00:17:31,980 Perhaps a spell in the cells will jog your memory. 254 00:17:31,980 --> 00:17:34,980 - You can't arrest him! - I certainly can. - No, but it's dealt with - 255 00:17:34,980 --> 00:17:38,220 - he's grounded. - I'm afraid grounded has no legal status, madam. 256 00:17:38,220 --> 00:17:39,700 Well, it should. 257 00:17:39,700 --> 00:17:41,780 How about we put him on the naughty step? 258 00:17:41,780 --> 00:17:43,620 Again, not an official punishment. 259 00:17:43,620 --> 00:17:45,340 The very naughty step? 260 00:17:46,580 --> 00:17:49,820 Benjamin Herbert, I'm placing you under arrest for theft. 261 00:17:49,820 --> 00:17:52,860 Come on. Anything you say can be blah-de-blah, 262 00:17:52,860 --> 00:17:55,100 so and so, and so and so, etc... 263 00:17:55,100 --> 00:17:56,300 You know the rest. Come on. 264 00:17:56,300 --> 00:17:57,940 Mum! Dad! 265 00:17:57,940 --> 00:18:00,820 Leave it! 266 00:17:57,940 --> 00:18:00,820 No, you can't do this! 267 00:18:00,820 --> 00:18:02,380 Uncuff him right now, 268 00:18:02,380 --> 00:18:05,740 or I'll write a very stern letter to someone or other. 269 00:18:05,740 --> 00:18:09,220 Neighbourhood watchers, I give you the night off. 270 00:18:09,220 --> 00:18:11,620 You can all binge-watch pointless. 271 00:18:11,620 --> 00:18:14,140 Nothing is going to be stolen tonight. 272 00:18:16,220 --> 00:18:20,060 - You have framed an innocent boy! - Out of my way, you buffoon. 273 00:18:20,060 --> 00:18:22,500 Never! You'll have to run me down. 274 00:18:22,500 --> 00:18:24,060 - Oh! - As you wish. 275 00:18:25,980 --> 00:18:28,420 Oh! Agh, me foot! 276 00:18:28,420 --> 00:18:31,220 - Ooh! - It really, really hurts! 277 00:18:31,220 --> 00:18:35,180 Well, in fairness, Mike, you did ask him to run you over. 278 00:18:43,300 --> 00:18:44,700 In. 279 00:18:54,300 --> 00:18:55,660 Hello. 280 00:18:55,660 --> 00:18:57,100 Um... 281 00:18:57,100 --> 00:18:59,140 What are you in for? 282 00:19:00,180 --> 00:19:01,900 I hit a child. 283 00:19:03,540 --> 00:19:05,540 Only joking! 284 00:19:05,540 --> 00:19:07,300 He chuckles, Ben laughs nervously 285 00:19:15,020 --> 00:19:17,180 I hit an old lady. 286 00:19:56,700 --> 00:19:59,460 Oh, no, they can't have. 287 00:19:59,460 --> 00:20:03,700 Alarm rings 288 00:19:59,460 --> 00:20:03,700 help! Help! 289 00:20:05,980 --> 00:20:08,540 Toilet flushes 290 00:20:08,540 --> 00:20:10,020 right. 291 00:20:10,020 --> 00:20:13,460 There you go, buster. That should flush much better now. 292 00:20:13,460 --> 00:20:15,140 Cheers, Ben. 293 00:20:15,140 --> 00:20:16,900 You're a life-saver. 294 00:20:21,220 --> 00:20:24,940 So... black cat. 295 00:20:24,940 --> 00:20:28,300 How did you steal the queen's wax figure when you were locked in here? 296 00:20:28,300 --> 00:20:31,340 - I didn't - that's how! - I couldn't sleep. 297 00:20:31,340 --> 00:20:34,460 Ben was up all night telling me a bedtime story 298 00:20:34,460 --> 00:20:38,500 about a little puppy who got stuck in a u-bend 299 00:20:38,500 --> 00:20:40,900 and it couldn't get out. 300 00:20:40,900 --> 00:20:43,420 It was turning, it couldn't get out, could it?! 301 00:20:43,420 --> 00:20:46,580 It went on for ages, and it kept trying and trying. 302 00:20:46,580 --> 00:20:49,340 It was terrible. Tell him about it! 303 00:20:49,340 --> 00:20:51,660 Go on, tell him about it! 304 00:20:51,660 --> 00:20:53,620 Sobbing 305 00:20:58,540 --> 00:21:00,900 - is it better yet? - No, it's not better yet! 306 00:21:00,900 --> 00:21:03,540 The doctor said I'd broken every bone in me foot. 307 00:21:03,540 --> 00:21:06,820 But, darlin', it's the internationals tonight, 308 00:21:06,820 --> 00:21:08,940 and there's nobody to take your place. 309 00:21:08,940 --> 00:21:10,820 Then, we'll just have to pull out. 310 00:21:10,820 --> 00:21:13,340 Pull out? Pull out?! 311 00:21:13,340 --> 00:21:15,260 But what about my flavio? 312 00:21:15,260 --> 00:21:17,780 He will be devastated if I'm not there. 313 00:21:17,780 --> 00:21:19,740 I'm sure he'll get over the disappointment. 314 00:21:20,780 --> 00:21:21,980 Oh. 315 00:21:21,980 --> 00:21:23,580 Stay there. 316 00:21:23,580 --> 00:21:25,940 I couldn't move if I wanted to. 317 00:21:28,020 --> 00:21:29,660 Door closes 318 00:21:35,220 --> 00:21:36,820 She grunts 319 00:21:40,900 --> 00:21:43,140 release my son this instant! 320 00:21:44,100 --> 00:21:45,860 Mrs Herbert? 321 00:21:45,860 --> 00:21:48,700 Ben has been accused of some very serious crimes. 322 00:21:48,700 --> 00:21:50,260 And what evidence do you have? 323 00:21:50,260 --> 00:21:52,580 Well, that depends on your definition of evidence. 324 00:21:52,580 --> 00:21:55,100 But mr Parker said he did it. 325 00:21:57,340 --> 00:22:01,340 I am taking part in an international dance competition this evening, 326 00:22:01,340 --> 00:22:03,380 and I'm one short of a pairing. 327 00:22:03,380 --> 00:22:07,780 Now, you let my Ben out right now, or you can rumba with me tonight 328 00:22:07,780 --> 00:22:09,780 on stage at the palladium. 329 00:22:09,780 --> 00:22:10,940 Ha! 330 00:22:10,940 --> 00:22:13,460 Ballroom music 331 00:22:20,780 --> 00:22:22,300 Which is it to be? 332 00:22:24,500 --> 00:22:25,860 I'll get the keys. 333 00:22:25,860 --> 00:22:27,340 Hmm! 334 00:22:27,340 --> 00:22:30,060 But...one more whiff of trouble from your lad, 335 00:22:30,060 --> 00:22:32,260 I'll have him straight back in the slammer. 336 00:22:39,660 --> 00:22:41,340 I sprung you out of jail, Ben, 337 00:22:41,340 --> 00:22:43,140 it's the very least you could do. 338 00:22:43,140 --> 00:22:45,700 I am not dancing with my own mum! 339 00:22:45,700 --> 00:22:48,180 I'm 14! It's super-weird. 340 00:22:48,180 --> 00:22:51,620 - Why can't dad do it? - Cos mr Parker ran over me dancing foot! 341 00:22:51,620 --> 00:22:53,860 Ben, you have to do this. 342 00:22:53,860 --> 00:22:55,820 Please, I am begging you. 343 00:22:55,820 --> 00:22:57,540 Even if I wanted to, I couldn't. 344 00:22:57,540 --> 00:22:59,460 - Why not? - I'm grounded. 345 00:22:59,460 --> 00:23:01,940 Well, he's got a point. We can't make exceptions. 346 00:23:01,940 --> 00:23:04,420 After careful consideration, your father and I have decided 347 00:23:04,420 --> 00:23:06,420 that the grounding period is now over. 348 00:23:06,420 --> 00:23:09,700 - Have we? - Yes. We've got a lot of work to do on our routine. 349 00:23:09,700 --> 00:23:12,220 Ok, sure, but right now, I've got to go. 350 00:23:12,220 --> 00:23:14,940 No, no, no. We're competing tonight. We have to rehearse. 351 00:23:14,940 --> 00:23:18,380 Yeah, but I'm your son, so I have natural talent for dance, 352 00:23:18,380 --> 00:23:19,860 just like you. 353 00:23:19,860 --> 00:23:21,580 That is a good point. 354 00:23:21,580 --> 00:23:23,940 - No, no, wait. Hey! - Where are you off to? 355 00:23:23,940 --> 00:23:26,540 What's more important than dancing with your own mother? 356 00:23:26,540 --> 00:23:28,100 It's every young boy's dream. 357 00:23:28,100 --> 00:23:30,740 I'm going to look for clues to clear my name. 358 00:23:32,020 --> 00:23:35,580 But... 359 00:23:32,020 --> 00:23:35,580 Door closes 360 00:24:21,420 --> 00:24:22,940 Stop right there. 361 00:24:24,780 --> 00:24:26,540 What have you got in your hand? 362 00:24:26,540 --> 00:24:28,460 - Nothing. - Didn't look like nothing. 363 00:24:28,460 --> 00:24:29,860 Open it. 364 00:24:31,220 --> 00:24:32,700 The other one. 365 00:24:35,060 --> 00:24:36,780 Both together. 366 00:24:46,780 --> 00:24:48,660 What do we have here? 367 00:24:50,220 --> 00:24:53,260 And if you look in your shoe, you'll find... 368 00:24:55,380 --> 00:24:57,060 ..Nothing! 369 00:24:57,060 --> 00:24:58,780 Oi! You little...! 370 00:25:01,940 --> 00:25:03,820 Another bowl of broccoli trifle? 371 00:25:03,820 --> 00:25:07,300 Oh, no, no, no, no. But the first three bowls were perfection. 372 00:25:07,300 --> 00:25:11,180 Now, whoever this black cat is, 373 00:25:11,180 --> 00:25:13,180 I think they're playing a game. 374 00:25:13,180 --> 00:25:15,060 Why are they leaving clues? 375 00:25:15,060 --> 00:25:17,100 It's like they want to get caught. 376 00:25:17,100 --> 00:25:20,700 - That's odd. - What's odd? - Just a mo. 377 00:25:27,020 --> 00:25:30,060 Look at my scrabble tiles. 378 00:25:30,060 --> 00:25:32,420 - Bog-standard plastic. - Mm? 379 00:25:32,420 --> 00:25:35,100 Now look at the ones you found. 380 00:25:35,100 --> 00:25:36,980 What's the difference? 381 00:25:36,980 --> 00:25:40,820 - They're slightly different colours. - And not plastic. 382 00:25:42,820 --> 00:25:44,780 They're made of bone China. 383 00:25:44,780 --> 00:25:47,660 Ha! I didn't even know they made bone China scrabble pieces. 384 00:25:47,660 --> 00:25:52,700 Nor did I. But I think this gives you your first major clue, Ben. 385 00:25:52,700 --> 00:25:56,020 Who would own a bone China scrabble set? 386 00:26:09,300 --> 00:26:12,260 There you are! We have been frantic. 387 00:26:12,260 --> 00:26:15,420 - Why? - The internationals kick off in an hour! 388 00:26:15,420 --> 00:26:18,820 - But I... - No buts, Ben! We need to leave right now. 389 00:26:18,820 --> 00:26:21,540 Like a second ago. Two seconds, three seconds. 390 00:26:21,540 --> 00:26:24,420 But I have a clue! I need to find the real black cat. 391 00:26:24,420 --> 00:26:26,660 Priorities, Ben! Come on! 392 00:26:26,660 --> 00:26:29,420 - Oh, I just need to get me crutches. - There isn't time! 393 00:26:32,860 --> 00:26:34,300 Hurry up! 394 00:26:48,100 --> 00:26:49,900 Blast! 395 00:26:49,900 --> 00:26:52,620 Jazz band plays 396 00:26:58,620 --> 00:27:01,740 Mwah! Looking good, my love! 397 00:27:01,740 --> 00:27:04,220 Oh! Mwah! 398 00:27:04,220 --> 00:27:07,220 Mwah! Mwah! Mwah! Mwah! Mwah! Mwah! Mwah! Mwah! Mwah! Mwah! 399 00:27:07,220 --> 00:27:09,540 Oh, she is the greatest dancer! 400 00:27:09,540 --> 00:27:13,020 Wait, whoa, oh, whoa, whoa! Whoa, whoa. 401 00:27:13,020 --> 00:27:14,860 OMG, flavio! 402 00:27:14,860 --> 00:27:17,020 It's me, Linda! 403 00:27:17,020 --> 00:27:19,140 We've met before? 404 00:27:19,140 --> 00:27:21,220 I don't suppose you remember me? 405 00:27:21,220 --> 00:27:23,260 Don't remember?! 406 00:27:23,260 --> 00:27:26,140 You are the monster who gave me mouth-to-mouth. 407 00:27:26,140 --> 00:27:28,780 Well, if you're referring to me acting quickly to save your life, 408 00:27:28,780 --> 00:27:30,980 then, yes, that was I. 409 00:27:30,980 --> 00:27:33,180 Do you like my nails, flavio? 410 00:27:33,180 --> 00:27:35,180 I had them done especially for you. 411 00:27:36,220 --> 00:27:39,380 "I love flavi." 412 00:27:40,580 --> 00:27:43,540 If only I had another finger, I could have included the o. 413 00:27:43,540 --> 00:27:44,820 What do you think? 414 00:27:44,820 --> 00:27:49,620 I think you need to stay as far away from flavio as possible. 415 00:27:49,620 --> 00:27:53,140 Don't talk, don't even look at flavio. 416 00:27:53,140 --> 00:27:56,020 Any funny business Toni-i-ight, 417 00:27:56,020 --> 00:27:59,540 and flavio will have you barred from ballroom dancing forever! 418 00:27:59,540 --> 00:28:01,740 Oh! 419 00:28:01,740 --> 00:28:03,820 Well, how about that?! 420 00:28:03,820 --> 00:28:05,700 Flavio remembered me! 421 00:28:12,740 --> 00:28:15,460 You never said we'd have to dress like this. 422 00:28:15,460 --> 00:28:18,340 I wanted to keep the Titanic theme as a nice surprise. 423 00:28:19,580 --> 00:28:21,660 And you make a very dashing iceberg. 424 00:28:23,180 --> 00:28:25,580 Applause and cheering 425 00:28:29,540 --> 00:28:32,020 that's just sympathy clapping. 426 00:28:32,020 --> 00:28:34,820 Proud father and husband coming through. 427 00:28:35,980 --> 00:28:38,460 - Thank you. Excuse me. - Oh! - Sorry. Sorry. 428 00:28:45,380 --> 00:28:48,020 What wonderful contestants! 429 00:28:48,020 --> 00:28:54,460 Ladies and gentlemans, your royal majestical majesty highness, 430 00:28:54,460 --> 00:28:58,060 I'm hoping you enjoyed that very muchness. 431 00:28:58,060 --> 00:29:02,100 Our next contestants... Representing the outer hebrides... 432 00:29:02,100 --> 00:29:04,940 - It's us! - ..They are a mother-and-a-son partnership. 433 00:29:04,940 --> 00:29:08,060 Bravo! Standing ovation. Encore! 434 00:29:08,060 --> 00:29:09,540 Sit down, you fool! 435 00:29:09,540 --> 00:29:11,220 They haven't dance yet! 436 00:29:12,420 --> 00:29:16,860 Please, as small a-smattering of applause for two dancers 437 00:29:16,860 --> 00:29:22,340 that as much as we may try, we ain't never going to forget. 438 00:29:22,340 --> 00:29:25,340 - The 'erberts! - Applause and cheering 439 00:29:34,700 --> 00:29:37,460 Go stand over there. Over there. 440 00:29:37,460 --> 00:29:40,700 My heart will go on by Celine Dion 441 00:29:49,340 --> 00:29:52,620 442 00:29:52,620 --> 00:29:55,420 dance beat begins, laughter 443 00:30:05,620 --> 00:30:08,020 My wife and son! Yes. 444 00:30:08,020 --> 00:30:14,180 I see you, I feel you 445 00:30:14,180 --> 00:30:19,660 446 00:30:21,580 --> 00:30:24,700 447 00:30:24,700 --> 00:30:28,900 448 00:30:28,900 --> 00:30:34,420 449 00:30:36,660 --> 00:30:39,740 450 00:30:39,740 --> 00:30:43,140 451 00:30:43,140 --> 00:30:48,060 go on... 452 00:30:48,060 --> 00:30:50,020 audience gasps 453 00:30:51,660 --> 00:30:57,340 454 00:30:57,340 --> 00:31:00,500 455 00:31:00,500 --> 00:31:03,500 I think there's still quite a bit of the song to go. 456 00:31:05,340 --> 00:31:07,060 Get me up. 457 00:31:07,060 --> 00:31:08,740 Get me up! 458 00:31:08,740 --> 00:31:11,300 We raised the Titanic! 459 00:31:11,300 --> 00:31:13,380 Scattered applause 460 00:31:13,380 --> 00:31:15,060 - now swing me. - What? 461 00:31:15,060 --> 00:31:16,420 Swing me round! 462 00:31:20,180 --> 00:31:23,540 463 00:31:23,540 --> 00:31:27,500 464 00:31:27,500 --> 00:31:32,220 465 00:31:27,500 --> 00:31:32,220 music slows and distorts 466 00:31:49,780 --> 00:31:51,420 Oh! 467 00:31:51,420 --> 00:31:53,020 Agh! 468 00:31:53,020 --> 00:31:54,380 Oh, no. 469 00:31:54,380 --> 00:31:58,060 - Agh! My bum! - It really 'urt my bum! 470 00:31:58,060 --> 00:32:03,020 I mean, flavio's buttocki, it is a-broken! 471 00:32:03,020 --> 00:32:04,660 Agh! 472 00:32:06,220 --> 00:32:08,700 You! You hurt flavio! 473 00:32:08,700 --> 00:32:10,820 You're a monster! 474 00:32:10,820 --> 00:32:13,100 Booing 475 00:32:10,820 --> 00:32:13,100 go on, get off the stage! 476 00:32:13,100 --> 00:32:15,180 Get off! 477 00:32:15,180 --> 00:32:17,740 I've never met these people before in my life. 478 00:32:19,580 --> 00:32:21,580 - It was him! - What?! 479 00:32:21,580 --> 00:32:24,620 Arrest him! For grievous buttock harm! 480 00:32:24,620 --> 00:32:27,180 Jeering and booing 481 00:32:29,860 --> 00:32:32,620 no! I can't go back to prison! 482 00:32:45,300 --> 00:32:47,580 You again! Huh? 483 00:32:47,580 --> 00:32:50,020 Meowing, crowd approaches 484 00:32:55,180 --> 00:32:57,100 Cat wails, hisses 485 00:32:58,260 --> 00:33:00,940 - what's that?! - A cat?! 486 00:33:00,940 --> 00:33:03,020 Or a ghost. 487 00:33:03,020 --> 00:33:05,700 Snarling 488 00:33:03,020 --> 00:33:05,700 a cat ghost. 489 00:33:20,780 --> 00:33:25,860 Ma'am, pardon me, but we met one night at the tower of London. 490 00:33:26,980 --> 00:33:30,700 I was with my gran, and we were trying to steal your crown jewels. 491 00:33:30,700 --> 00:33:32,780 You kindly pardoned us. 492 00:33:32,780 --> 00:33:36,420 And I really need your help again now. 493 00:33:38,540 --> 00:33:40,580 Your majesty? 494 00:33:40,580 --> 00:33:42,860 Your...queeniness? 495 00:33:47,500 --> 00:33:49,420 You're a wax figure? 496 00:33:49,420 --> 00:33:51,500 Where is he?! 497 00:33:49,420 --> 00:33:51,500 Banging at door 498 00:33:58,460 --> 00:34:00,260 Stop! 499 00:34:00,260 --> 00:34:01,900 Who are you? 500 00:34:08,660 --> 00:34:10,060 Please! 501 00:34:10,060 --> 00:34:12,260 I need to talk to you. 502 00:34:12,260 --> 00:34:14,420 Whirring 503 00:34:18,860 --> 00:34:20,380 who are you? 504 00:34:21,420 --> 00:34:23,020 Hey! 505 00:34:42,380 --> 00:34:43,980 Hey! Hey, hey! 506 00:34:48,980 --> 00:34:50,820 Follow that hang glider! 507 00:34:50,820 --> 00:34:52,700 What is this - James Bond?! 508 00:34:52,700 --> 00:34:54,900 Please, before they get away! 509 00:34:54,900 --> 00:34:56,700 Right you are, guv. 510 00:35:09,820 --> 00:35:12,460 That'll be £12.70, please, young man. 511 00:35:12,460 --> 00:35:16,140 I'm so sorry, we don't carry money in the secret service. 512 00:35:16,140 --> 00:35:18,500 Oi! Come back here! Oi! 513 00:36:10,700 --> 00:36:12,180 Long night, innit? 514 00:36:15,180 --> 00:36:17,180 What did you have for dinner? 515 00:36:17,180 --> 00:36:18,780 Beef. Obviously. You? 516 00:36:18,780 --> 00:36:20,340 Beef. 517 00:36:29,260 --> 00:36:30,740 Strikes match 518 00:36:36,780 --> 00:36:38,340 No! 519 00:36:38,340 --> 00:36:39,820 Who is that? 520 00:36:41,100 --> 00:36:42,580 Your majesty? 521 00:36:44,020 --> 00:36:45,260 It was you? 522 00:36:48,700 --> 00:36:51,180 And who, may I ask, are you? 523 00:36:51,180 --> 00:36:55,860 It's me, Ben. I met you right here one night, with my gran. 524 00:36:55,860 --> 00:36:58,500 Oh, yes, I remember! 525 00:36:59,540 --> 00:37:01,740 You tried to steal the crown jewels. 526 00:37:02,900 --> 00:37:04,700 Are you back for another attempt? 527 00:37:04,700 --> 00:37:06,460 No, I followed you here. 528 00:37:06,460 --> 00:37:08,980 - I found your wax figure. - Drat! 529 00:37:08,980 --> 00:37:10,980 That was the perfect alibi. 530 00:37:10,980 --> 00:37:14,620 The world would think I was at the palladium all night. 531 00:37:14,620 --> 00:37:17,420 They think it was me that stole everything. 532 00:37:17,420 --> 00:37:22,140 No! One will have to consider carefully what to do. 533 00:37:24,260 --> 00:37:27,140 - Ma'am? - No, shush, no, I'm thinking. 534 00:37:27,140 --> 00:37:28,620 No, it's just... 535 00:37:28,620 --> 00:37:30,820 You're holding dynamite. 536 00:37:30,820 --> 00:37:33,020 Oh, yes. 537 00:37:33,020 --> 00:37:34,740 So one is. 538 00:37:34,740 --> 00:37:36,260 Fiddlesticks. 539 00:37:41,300 --> 00:37:42,940 It won't go out. 540 00:37:46,780 --> 00:37:48,420 What can we do? 541 00:37:48,420 --> 00:37:50,500 We can't throw it out of the window. 542 00:37:50,500 --> 00:37:53,900 What about the beefeaters? What about the baby ravens? 543 00:37:58,140 --> 00:37:59,620 I have an idea. 544 00:38:12,260 --> 00:38:13,980 Toilet flushes 545 00:38:16,420 --> 00:38:18,500 boom! 546 00:38:18,500 --> 00:38:20,740 That was a big one. 547 00:38:20,740 --> 00:38:22,820 How did you know about this privy? 548 00:38:22,820 --> 00:38:25,860 It was toilet of the week in plumbers weekly. 549 00:38:25,860 --> 00:38:28,140 I must get a subscription. 550 00:38:29,860 --> 00:38:31,500 Toodle-pip. 551 00:38:31,500 --> 00:38:32,980 Hey, wait! 552 00:38:32,980 --> 00:38:36,140 I'm not going yet. You've got some explaining to do. 553 00:38:36,140 --> 00:38:37,940 Does one? 554 00:38:37,940 --> 00:38:41,700 Why is her majesty the queen stealing her own crown jewels? 555 00:38:41,700 --> 00:38:43,180 Well, 556 00:38:43,180 --> 00:38:45,260 when I met your granny, 557 00:38:45,260 --> 00:38:48,540 I realised I had never done anything 558 00:38:48,540 --> 00:38:51,060 as daring as that in all my life. 559 00:38:51,060 --> 00:38:55,260 I mean, it's wonderful being queen, but one never, ever gets a chance 560 00:38:55,260 --> 00:38:58,660 to do anything in the least bit naughty. 561 00:39:00,100 --> 00:39:02,940 And so I...Well, I suppose I did it 562 00:39:02,940 --> 00:39:04,620 for the thrill. 563 00:39:04,620 --> 00:39:09,140 You became the black cat, the new gangsta granny? 564 00:39:09,140 --> 00:39:10,900 Yes. 565 00:39:10,900 --> 00:39:14,940 You stole the mask of tutankhamun and the world cup! 566 00:39:14,940 --> 00:39:17,900 I prefer the word "borrowed". 567 00:39:17,900 --> 00:39:19,940 They're in my rucksack. 568 00:39:19,940 --> 00:39:23,460 - Weighs a ton. - Oh, I bet. - One doesn't want to keep them, 569 00:39:23,460 --> 00:39:27,460 but with the nation's police force on high alert, 570 00:39:27,460 --> 00:39:30,460 it's becoming rather tricky to return them. 571 00:39:30,460 --> 00:39:32,420 Maybe I could help. 572 00:39:32,420 --> 00:39:35,260 Oh, splendid, Ben! 573 00:39:36,780 --> 00:39:39,180 Perhaps your granny could help too. 574 00:39:43,340 --> 00:39:46,860 Oh, Ben, I am so sorry. 575 00:39:46,860 --> 00:39:49,900 Yeah...I've been lost without her. 576 00:39:54,860 --> 00:39:57,460 The queen has a used tissue up her sleeve? 577 00:39:57,460 --> 00:39:59,420 All grannies do. 578 00:39:59,420 --> 00:40:00,820 It's a rule. 579 00:40:02,140 --> 00:40:03,540 Who goes there?! 580 00:40:03,540 --> 00:40:05,340 Get the door! Quick! 581 00:40:05,340 --> 00:40:06,660 Follow me. 582 00:40:07,940 --> 00:40:10,180 Linda sobs 583 00:40:10,180 --> 00:40:12,420 mumbles incoherently 584 00:40:14,380 --> 00:40:18,580 no, the dance competition didn't go as well as we'd hoped. 585 00:40:21,620 --> 00:40:25,140 Yes, you did bring shame on the outer hebrides. 586 00:40:25,140 --> 00:40:28,300 And I blamed it on Ben, and it wasn't his fault. 587 00:40:28,300 --> 00:40:31,100 Yeah, you did unfairly put all the blame on Ben. 588 00:40:32,300 --> 00:40:33,820 Where on earth is he? 589 00:40:33,820 --> 00:40:36,340 I don't know, I mean, he's not here, is he? 590 00:40:36,340 --> 00:40:39,380 What have we done? What have we done?! 591 00:40:47,340 --> 00:40:50,580 Certainly something one doesn't do very often. 592 00:40:50,580 --> 00:40:53,340 We need to go somewhere safe, where we can make a plan. 593 00:40:55,100 --> 00:40:57,900 My place is swarming with guards. 594 00:40:57,900 --> 00:40:59,500 Can we go to yours? 595 00:40:59,500 --> 00:41:01,620 Oh, I'm in disgrace with my folks 596 00:41:01,620 --> 00:41:04,020 for breaking flavio flavioli's bottom. 597 00:41:04,020 --> 00:41:06,380 Oh! Such a lovely bottom, too. 598 00:41:06,380 --> 00:41:09,180 Like a perfectly ripe peach. 599 00:41:12,340 --> 00:41:14,500 We need someone we can trust. 600 00:41:16,060 --> 00:41:17,900 I know where to go. 601 00:41:18,980 --> 00:41:21,620 I've never been on a bus before. It's so exciting! 602 00:41:22,780 --> 00:41:25,100 Do they always stop by those little sticks? 603 00:41:25,100 --> 00:41:28,460 - Well, they're called bus stops. - Ah! - But, yeah. Right. 604 00:41:28,460 --> 00:41:30,460 This is our destination. 605 00:41:30,460 --> 00:41:32,260 - Raj's news? - Raj! 606 00:41:32,260 --> 00:41:34,220 Raj! 607 00:41:34,220 --> 00:41:35,860 She whistles 608 00:41:41,260 --> 00:41:44,100 - Ben! - Can you let us in, please? 609 00:41:44,100 --> 00:41:45,980 Who is that with you? 610 00:41:45,980 --> 00:41:47,460 Oh! 611 00:41:47,460 --> 00:41:48,700 Hello! 612 00:41:48,700 --> 00:41:49,900 Hello. 613 00:41:52,580 --> 00:41:53,900 Ah! 614 00:42:03,500 --> 00:42:08,460 - Bell jangles - welcome, my most majestical majesty. 615 00:42:08,460 --> 00:42:12,100 My number-one favourite customer of all time. 616 00:42:12,100 --> 00:42:13,580 Thank you. 617 00:42:13,580 --> 00:42:15,540 Now, I do declare this shop open. 618 00:42:17,460 --> 00:42:20,260 Oh, I'm so sorry! It's a force of habit. 619 00:42:20,260 --> 00:42:22,060 Welcome. 620 00:42:25,420 --> 00:42:27,500 Oh, sweets! 621 00:42:32,700 --> 00:42:35,260 Help yourself, your majesty. 622 00:42:35,260 --> 00:42:36,940 Everything is price-marked. 623 00:42:36,940 --> 00:42:38,260 One would pay, 624 00:42:38,260 --> 00:42:40,660 but sadly, one never carries cash. 625 00:42:42,260 --> 00:42:45,460 Get that woman out of here before she eats all my stock. 626 00:42:45,460 --> 00:42:46,980 Ah! 627 00:42:48,020 --> 00:42:49,980 We're in trouble. Big trouble. 628 00:42:49,980 --> 00:42:53,500 I stole the mask of tutankhamun and the world cup. 629 00:42:53,500 --> 00:42:56,700 She borrowed them, and we need to put them back. 630 00:42:56,700 --> 00:42:58,420 Are you the black cat? 631 00:42:58,420 --> 00:43:00,260 For shizzle! 632 00:43:00,260 --> 00:43:02,180 Gangsta queenie! 633 00:43:03,460 --> 00:43:07,020 Boom! I think as long as we have Ben to help, 634 00:43:07,020 --> 00:43:10,460 we can return the loot. Wembley first, then the museum. 635 00:43:10,460 --> 00:43:13,180 - What about your wax figure? - Oh, drat! 636 00:43:13,180 --> 00:43:16,060 - One forgot! - The one from madame tussauds? 637 00:43:16,060 --> 00:43:19,620 It was an alibi, but it's still in the royal box at the palladium. 638 00:43:20,620 --> 00:43:23,980 Aha. Sounds like a job for the raj-mobile! 639 00:43:23,980 --> 00:43:27,660 Oh, thank you, raj, you're the best! Right, let's go. 640 00:43:28,660 --> 00:43:31,180 Oh, fizzy worms! 641 00:43:31,180 --> 00:43:33,100 Don't mind if one does! 642 00:43:34,660 --> 00:43:36,180 We need to get to Wembley. 643 00:43:38,580 --> 00:43:40,180 Are we getting another bus? 644 00:43:40,180 --> 00:43:42,900 Actually, I've got my own wheels, just around the corner. 645 00:43:46,620 --> 00:43:48,460 Now we've got you. 646 00:43:51,620 --> 00:43:53,900 These biscuits are stale! 647 00:43:59,100 --> 00:44:00,780 How do we get in? 648 00:44:00,780 --> 00:44:04,100 Last time, I landed on the pitch with my hang glider. 649 00:44:04,100 --> 00:44:05,740 I've got an idea. 650 00:44:05,740 --> 00:44:07,180 Plumbing-based? 651 00:44:07,180 --> 00:44:09,780 Wembley stadium has a brand-new sprinkler system. 652 00:44:09,780 --> 00:44:12,780 And according to plumbers weekly, there's a maintenance hatch 653 00:44:12,780 --> 00:44:15,780 near here that leads straight to the stadium tunnel. 654 00:44:15,780 --> 00:44:17,380 But where's the hatch? 655 00:44:21,060 --> 00:44:23,500 I think you might be standing on it. 656 00:44:23,500 --> 00:44:24,860 Oh! 657 00:44:30,580 --> 00:44:31,940 Come on. 658 00:44:31,940 --> 00:44:33,420 You're very brave. 659 00:44:33,420 --> 00:44:35,300 One is only old once. 660 00:44:35,300 --> 00:44:36,780 Right. 661 00:44:51,340 --> 00:44:54,020 Cheering echoes 662 00:45:03,900 --> 00:45:06,060 She gasps 663 00:45:07,100 --> 00:45:08,860 back in a jiffy! 664 00:45:14,740 --> 00:45:17,020 England! 665 00:45:17,020 --> 00:45:18,540 And Scotland, 666 00:45:18,540 --> 00:45:20,940 wales, northern Ireland 667 00:45:20,940 --> 00:45:24,420 and all the nations of the commonwealth! 668 00:45:28,300 --> 00:45:29,700 Come on. 669 00:45:31,380 --> 00:45:35,500 2-0! Her majesty the queen scores the winning goal! 670 00:45:36,660 --> 00:45:38,580 Now, your maj. 671 00:45:45,540 --> 00:45:46,860 Come on. 672 00:45:56,540 --> 00:45:58,020 Ben, 673 00:45:58,020 --> 00:46:00,940 would you like to hold the world cup before one puts it back? 674 00:46:00,940 --> 00:46:03,220 Nah, I'm not bothered about football. 675 00:46:03,220 --> 00:46:04,780 Oh. 676 00:46:04,780 --> 00:46:06,820 Mwah! 677 00:46:08,340 --> 00:46:09,980 Cheering echoes 678 00:46:14,420 --> 00:46:16,060 radio chatter 679 00:46:16,060 --> 00:46:18,500 we need to go - now. Come on. 680 00:46:18,500 --> 00:46:20,020 This way. 681 00:46:34,460 --> 00:46:35,820 Good as new. 682 00:46:35,820 --> 00:46:37,780 Well, well, well. 683 00:46:39,780 --> 00:46:41,500 It is I, 684 00:46:41,500 --> 00:46:46,580 mr Parker, your friendly neighbourhood watch leader. 685 00:46:46,580 --> 00:46:50,020 You're both under citizen's arrest. 686 00:46:50,020 --> 00:46:56,100 I knew you'd return to the scene of the crime, 687 00:46:56,100 --> 00:46:59,860 like a kitten returning 688 00:46:59,860 --> 00:47:01,700 to its litter tray. 689 00:47:01,700 --> 00:47:04,140 Don't think you can get away. 690 00:47:05,500 --> 00:47:06,900 Oof! 691 00:47:16,940 --> 00:47:18,900 It's a fair cop. 692 00:47:20,460 --> 00:47:22,860 One is the guilty party. 693 00:47:22,860 --> 00:47:25,340 But the boy is innocent. 694 00:47:25,340 --> 00:47:27,860 Just me and not him. 695 00:47:27,860 --> 00:47:29,460 Your majesty?! 696 00:47:30,580 --> 00:47:33,060 - Could it really be you? - Yes. 697 00:47:33,060 --> 00:47:34,900 And I'm ready to do my time. 698 00:47:34,900 --> 00:47:37,380 One has never been in jail before. 699 00:47:37,380 --> 00:47:39,180 Is it fun? 700 00:47:39,180 --> 00:47:42,100 - No, I can't arrest the queen. - I will! 701 00:47:42,100 --> 00:47:43,820 Lock her up! 702 00:47:43,820 --> 00:47:45,860 Would anyone like a crisp? 703 00:47:45,860 --> 00:47:47,980 I brought them from home. 704 00:47:47,980 --> 00:47:52,300 I definitely didn't take them from the museum cafe over there. 705 00:47:52,300 --> 00:47:54,860 Can we get back to the matter in hand? 706 00:47:54,860 --> 00:47:58,420 Perhaps her majesty was just borrowing the things. 707 00:47:58,420 --> 00:47:59,900 Yes. 708 00:48:00,980 --> 00:48:03,380 For regal purposes. 709 00:48:03,380 --> 00:48:08,460 And we can say that that I, mr Parker, of lower toddle, 710 00:48:08,460 --> 00:48:11,980 found the mask in a skip and returned it. 711 00:48:11,980 --> 00:48:14,660 Thank you, mr Parker. 712 00:48:14,660 --> 00:48:17,340 And in recognition of all you have done 713 00:48:17,340 --> 00:48:18,780 for neighbourhood watching, 714 00:48:18,780 --> 00:48:22,140 I would like to bestow a knighthood on you 715 00:48:22,140 --> 00:48:25,140 for services to nosey parkering. 716 00:48:25,140 --> 00:48:26,860 Are you sure that's wise? 717 00:48:26,860 --> 00:48:28,820 You don't want to encourage him. 718 00:48:28,820 --> 00:48:30,620 Fetch me a sword. 719 00:48:34,420 --> 00:48:36,660 This is the greatest day of my life. 720 00:48:37,740 --> 00:48:40,660 Ah, the sword of tiberius, no less. 721 00:48:40,660 --> 00:48:42,580 - Thank you. - Mm! 722 00:48:42,580 --> 00:48:44,220 Kneel. 723 00:48:44,220 --> 00:48:45,980 Thank you, ma'am. 724 00:48:45,980 --> 00:48:47,980 You're too kind, ma'am. 725 00:48:47,980 --> 00:48:49,940 I hope I'm not grovelling, ma'am. 726 00:48:49,940 --> 00:48:51,540 Just a little bit. 727 00:48:52,740 --> 00:48:55,500 Now, arise, sir Parker. 728 00:48:58,940 --> 00:49:00,500 Thank you. 729 00:49:00,500 --> 00:49:02,420 And now I'd like to make a short speech. 730 00:49:02,420 --> 00:49:04,220 Sorry, mr Parker, there is no time. 731 00:49:04,220 --> 00:49:07,020 - Sir Parker. - We have to get to madame tussauds 732 00:49:07,020 --> 00:49:08,860 to meet raj before it opens. 733 00:49:10,260 --> 00:49:15,060 I would like to thank all you old folk for all you do 734 00:49:15,060 --> 00:49:16,940 for our nation. 735 00:49:16,940 --> 00:49:21,540 - If it was up to me, I'd lock you up and throw away the key! - Charmed! 736 00:49:28,540 --> 00:49:31,860 - New wax figure delivery. - Who is it? - Madonna. 737 00:49:31,860 --> 00:49:34,180 Get her in quick, please. We're about to open. 738 00:49:39,220 --> 00:49:40,620 There. 739 00:49:45,940 --> 00:49:48,580 - Oh, blast and bother! - What? 740 00:49:48,580 --> 00:49:51,740 One has to go on to another engagement. 741 00:49:51,740 --> 00:49:55,100 One can't possibly go to the state opening of parliament 742 00:49:55,100 --> 00:49:57,500 dressed as the Batman. 743 00:49:57,500 --> 00:50:00,100 This would look very fetching on you. 744 00:50:01,260 --> 00:50:02,780 It does! 745 00:50:02,780 --> 00:50:05,980 We could swap! Everybody, please turn round. 746 00:50:13,540 --> 00:50:15,340 Everybody, please turn back. 747 00:50:16,500 --> 00:50:18,060 That was quick! 748 00:50:18,060 --> 00:50:20,820 One has to be a quick dresser in this game. 749 00:50:22,540 --> 00:50:24,580 Oh, Ben, 750 00:50:24,580 --> 00:50:28,820 this has been the most thrilling night of my life. 751 00:50:28,820 --> 00:50:31,100 And it's all thanks to you. 752 00:50:31,100 --> 00:50:33,580 It's been the most thrilling night of my life, too. 753 00:50:33,580 --> 00:50:35,060 Well, not forgetting the night 754 00:50:35,060 --> 00:50:37,580 that me and my gran stole your jewels. 755 00:50:37,580 --> 00:50:39,860 If it hadn't been for your grandmother, 756 00:50:39,860 --> 00:50:41,540 we would never have met. 757 00:50:41,540 --> 00:50:43,820 She was a remarkable lady. 758 00:50:43,820 --> 00:50:45,220 She was. 759 00:50:46,900 --> 00:50:48,300 I loved her so much. 760 00:50:49,940 --> 00:50:52,020 Oh, Ben. 761 00:50:52,020 --> 00:50:56,580 You still love your granny, and you always will. 762 00:50:57,860 --> 00:51:02,500 And she will be with you forever, in there. 763 00:51:04,500 --> 00:51:06,100 Thanks. 764 00:51:06,100 --> 00:51:08,060 We grannies know these things. 765 00:51:10,340 --> 00:51:11,740 Here. 766 00:51:21,020 --> 00:51:23,820 She gasps 767 00:51:21,020 --> 00:51:23,820 oh! They're already open! 768 00:51:23,820 --> 00:51:26,660 One is so conspicuous. What to do? 769 00:51:26,660 --> 00:51:28,580 - Uh, pretend you're a wax figure! - How? 770 00:51:30,060 --> 00:51:34,140 Oh, gee! It's the queen, of old merry England! 771 00:51:34,140 --> 00:51:37,220 - I need a selfie to show the folks back home. - Me too! 772 00:51:39,340 --> 00:51:41,780 She's much older than she looks on TV. 773 00:51:41,780 --> 00:51:43,620 So wrinkly! 774 00:51:43,620 --> 00:51:46,140 - How dare you?! - Argh! - Oh! - It spoke! 775 00:51:46,140 --> 00:51:49,180 Say one more rude thing, and I will order the invasion of america. 776 00:51:49,180 --> 00:51:51,820 Just one of our new talking wax figures. 777 00:51:51,820 --> 00:51:53,500 Yeah, very realistic. 778 00:51:53,500 --> 00:51:56,300 Bit too realistic, if you ask me. 779 00:51:56,300 --> 00:51:58,900 Right this way, roboqueen. 780 00:52:07,940 --> 00:52:10,860 Farewell, Ben and mr raj. 781 00:52:10,860 --> 00:52:13,140 We couldn't have done it without you. 782 00:52:13,140 --> 00:52:15,540 You are welcome back to my shop any time. 783 00:52:15,540 --> 00:52:18,340 Ah, with appropriate money, of course. 784 00:52:18,340 --> 00:52:19,780 Thank you. 785 00:52:19,780 --> 00:52:22,700 Well, back to the day job. 786 00:52:22,700 --> 00:52:24,620 Taxi! 787 00:52:28,020 --> 00:52:30,060 Buckingham Palace, please. 788 00:52:30,060 --> 00:52:33,020 Thought you'd say that. Hop in, your maj. 789 00:52:33,020 --> 00:52:36,380 Big fan, by the way. I've got all your stamps. 790 00:52:37,740 --> 00:52:39,340 Oh! 791 00:52:39,340 --> 00:52:41,780 So you are in the secret service! 792 00:52:47,380 --> 00:52:50,180 Ben, you'd better be off home. 793 00:52:50,180 --> 00:52:53,100 After what happened with flavio and his bottom injury, 794 00:52:53,100 --> 00:52:54,860 my parents must be furious with me. 795 00:52:54,860 --> 00:52:58,660 They'll be worried sick about you, Ben. They love you. 796 00:52:59,980 --> 00:53:01,540 Raj knows it. 797 00:53:14,220 --> 00:53:17,500 Oh, hello there! My little guardian angel! 798 00:53:19,300 --> 00:53:23,780 - You've been looking out for me wherever I go. - Oh, my Benny! 799 00:53:23,780 --> 00:53:25,580 - Oh! - Son! 800 00:53:25,580 --> 00:53:27,820 I was so worried about you. 801 00:53:27,820 --> 00:53:29,780 I didn't know what happened to you. 802 00:53:29,780 --> 00:53:31,820 I didn't sleep a wink all night. 803 00:53:31,820 --> 00:53:33,540 And I only dozed off 804 00:53:33,540 --> 00:53:35,300 for seven or eight hours at most. 805 00:53:35,300 --> 00:53:37,300 Yeah. Why didn't you come home? 806 00:53:37,300 --> 00:53:38,980 I thought you'd be mad at me 807 00:53:38,980 --> 00:53:41,180 because I let you down so badly with the dancing. 808 00:53:42,380 --> 00:53:46,140 Oh, Ben, look, we...We shouldn't be making you ballroom dance. 809 00:53:46,140 --> 00:53:48,020 It's not your thing. 810 00:53:48,020 --> 00:53:49,700 Plumbing's your passion. 811 00:53:49,700 --> 00:53:51,500 Yeah, we mean it this time. 812 00:53:51,500 --> 00:53:54,460 We want you to be the best plumbman there is. 813 00:53:54,460 --> 00:53:56,820 It's plumber, but thanks! 814 00:53:56,820 --> 00:53:59,300 Oh, and I think flavio is going to be ok. 815 00:53:59,300 --> 00:54:02,460 If he needs a transplant, I offered one of your father's buttocks. 816 00:54:02,460 --> 00:54:04,060 You did what? 817 00:54:04,060 --> 00:54:06,140 Oh, and, mum, dad, 818 00:54:06,140 --> 00:54:08,180 I hope you don't mind, 819 00:54:08,180 --> 00:54:09,940 but we've just adopted a cat. 820 00:54:11,420 --> 00:54:13,140 Aww! 821 00:54:13,140 --> 00:54:15,460 Purring 822 00:54:13,140 --> 00:54:15,460 hello, darling. Aww! 823 00:54:16,580 --> 00:54:20,980 Oh, come in, you. Come on, don't you go missing like that again. 824 00:54:43,060 --> 00:54:46,180 What kind of valve do you use on larger pipes? 825 00:54:46,180 --> 00:54:47,700 Butterfly. 826 00:54:49,300 --> 00:54:50,780 Correct! 827 00:54:50,780 --> 00:54:52,860 You're doing very well, Ben. 828 00:54:52,860 --> 00:54:56,340 Whilst none of us have got a single question right! 829 00:54:56,340 --> 00:54:57,900 Oh, what time is it? 830 00:54:57,900 --> 00:55:01,580 Oh, open the fruit jellies, it's time for our queenie! 831 00:55:01,580 --> 00:55:03,540 Come on. Sit, Ben. 832 00:55:03,540 --> 00:55:05,060 - Thank you. - There you go. 833 00:55:11,220 --> 00:55:14,420 All of us can often feel 834 00:55:14,420 --> 00:55:17,980 that our lives have been mapped out for us, 835 00:55:17,980 --> 00:55:22,060 as if the accident of our birth dictated 836 00:55:22,060 --> 00:55:24,180 that we follow one path. 837 00:55:25,220 --> 00:55:28,540 Sometimes, whoever we are, 838 00:55:28,540 --> 00:55:31,460 we need to break out 839 00:55:31,460 --> 00:55:33,980 and follow our dreams. 840 00:55:36,540 --> 00:55:39,580 I'm going to have another look at that dripping tap. 841 00:55:44,420 --> 00:55:46,140 Miaows 842 00:55:56,180 --> 00:55:58,180 The queen's right, Ben. 843 00:55:59,340 --> 00:56:00,940 Granny? 844 00:56:00,940 --> 00:56:03,260 All you've got to do is follow your dreams. 845 00:56:03,260 --> 00:56:05,260 Like we did. 846 00:56:06,380 --> 00:56:08,260 I miss you so much, granny. 847 00:56:09,260 --> 00:56:10,740 I know. 848 00:56:10,740 --> 00:56:13,380 But I'll always be by your side, Ben. 849 00:56:14,500 --> 00:56:15,900 Promise? 850 00:56:15,900 --> 00:56:17,700 I promise. 851 00:56:21,060 --> 00:56:22,340 Miaows 852 00:56:30,220 --> 00:56:32,980 Thank you so much for having me over for Christmas. 853 00:56:32,980 --> 00:56:34,780 I would have been on my own. 854 00:56:34,780 --> 00:56:37,460 Esha, you're welcome any time. 855 00:56:37,460 --> 00:56:39,380 Well, no, not tomorrow, 856 00:56:39,380 --> 00:56:41,940 as we've got his cousins coming over, and they eat us 857 00:56:41,940 --> 00:56:43,260 - out of house and home. - Oh! 858 00:56:43,260 --> 00:56:45,940 - Merry Christmas. - Merry Christmas. - Merry Christmas. 859 00:56:45,940 --> 00:56:47,540 Come on. 860 00:56:49,740 --> 00:56:52,980 Well, esha, I, er, I'd better get you home. 861 00:56:54,700 --> 00:56:56,580 Unless... 862 00:56:56,580 --> 00:56:59,380 ..Of course, you feel like an adventure. 863 00:56:59,380 --> 00:57:02,820 What? Oh, yes, please! 864 00:57:02,820 --> 00:57:04,980 I've never had an adventure! 865 00:57:09,980 --> 00:57:11,620 Where are we going to go? 866 00:57:11,620 --> 00:57:13,220 Wherever your heart takes you. 867 00:57:13,220 --> 00:57:17,700 - Well, then, Ben, let's burn some rubber! - And follow our dreams. 868 00:57:22,580 --> 00:57:25,940 869 00:57:25,940 --> 00:57:30,020 and pray for December snow 870 00:57:30,020 --> 00:57:34,460 year, but it's time to let it go 871 00:57:34,460 --> 00:57:36,940 872 00:57:36,940 --> 00:57:39,940 873 00:57:39,940 --> 00:57:42,700 my dream is to be 874 00:57:42,700 --> 00:57:45,180 a ballroom dancer! 875 00:57:45,180 --> 00:57:47,780 Cuban sauce by ace library 876 00:57:47,780 --> 00:57:50,820 - mm! - Thanks to the queen's a-magic touch, 877 00:57:50,820 --> 00:57:53,420 flavio's buttock is healed! 878 00:57:53,420 --> 00:57:56,980 Now, let's-a burn up the floor!